


not even alternate timelines can keep us apart

by find_an_island (orphan_account)



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, M/M, The Umbrella Academy (TV) Spoilers, Time Travel, Time Travel Fix-It, angsty diego, plot convenience aka I don't know how time travel works, season two spoilers, tua - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:26:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27773764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/find_an_island
Summary: Crack but not really. Diego is devastated after the love of his life was taken away from him. His siblings decide that they will do whatever it takes to reunite the separated lovers.
Relationships: Diego Hargreeves/John F. Kennedy, Vanya Hargreeves/Sissy Cooper (Mentioned), allison hargreeves/luther hargreeves (mentioned)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 15





	1. ch 1

**Author's Note:**

> A very crackadelic ship but sort of serious fic. I honestly think that they way Diego idolized JFK in season two was pretty funny, so here's a ship taken too far. This is the second fic I've ever wrote but at least I have good grammar!

This was the fifth night in a row that Diego Hargreeves could not fall asleep. He replayed those horrible moments in which the love of his life disappeared. There was nothing he could do to stop them from leaving. A small knock resonated on his door. Diego quickly wiped away the tears dripping off his chin and answered with a hoarse “Yes” The knob turned as Klaus’ makeup covered face peeked into Diego’s room, raising his eyebrows as if to ask if he was allowed passage. 

“Come in,” Diego whispered. Klaus, light on his feet, made his way over to the bed where he plopped down next to his brother. 

“Hey, dear brother, what’s got you all soft like this.” Klaus softly asked. Number Two began to speak but soon lost all coherency and resumed crying. Klaus, like the good brother he is, rubbed circles on Diego’s back, understanding how the recent events have affected everyone in different ways. Vanya lost her only solid relationship, one where she was truly happy. Allison had to deal with losing her husband while sorting out lost feelings for Luther. Ben was completely gone for now, affecting everyone in the Hargreeves household. Five was always on edge so nothing really changed for him. But Diego hadn’t spoken of his troubles to anyone. Hesitantly, Klaus decided to see for himself if his usually tough brother would open up. 

“I’m not a therapist, but I’ve been to a lot of therapy sessions so if you want to tell me what’s happening, I can try to help.” 

Diego sighed and nodded. 

“I haven’t felt whole since we left Dallas. It’s like a part of me died when…” Diego broke off before starting again, “When they left me. K-Klaus, I l-lost the love of my l-life!” He stuttered, head hung low. Klaus wrapped his brother in a tight, warm hug. 

“I know it’s hard, but Lila is still out there, we could look for her if you’d like.” 

Suddenly Diego shot up, an angry expression on his face. 

“What. The. Hell. Are. You. Talking. ABOUT?” 

A very confused Number Four tried again, “Lila Pitts? I know she vanished but that doesn’t mean she’s gone for good. Maybe she’s even-” Diego cut his brother off, nostrils flaring. A scarily low voice responded. 

“I could care less about that backstabbing freak, I’m talking about the love of my life, the 35th president of the United States, John Fucking Kennedy.” 

A wave of confusion washed over the seance. 

“You mean to tell me you’ve been a mess ever since Kennedy was shot last week?” 

“Get. Out.” 

“Diego, you can’t possibly be serious.” 

“Get the FUCK out of my room.” 

Klaus jumped at his brother’s loud voice and scrambled to escape the perplexing situation he just walked into, closing the door behind him. Diego flipped over onto his stomach, buried his face into his pillow, and let out a well needed scream. Sobbing into the soft linen, Diego felt as if he would never be whole again. 

Downstairs in the main room, Klaus assembled the rest of the family. Vanya and Allison shared the couch while Luther took up a whole loveseat with his wide frame. Five paced back and forth behind them, impatiently waiting for Klaus to deliver his announcement. 

“Esteemed mutant family, I have a very important job for us. Our dearest brother has entered a state of utter fragility and it is up to us to fix him.” 

Confused faces stared back at Klaus, waiting for him to explain. 

“Our darling Number Two has recently lost the love of his life and we cannot let him be heartbroken any longer.” 

Allison mouthed 'Lila?' to Vanya who shrugged her shoulders in return. 

“Not Lila, sister of mine, John F. Kennedy, if you would believe that.” 

Five narrowed his eyes in annoyance while the two women bit back a laugh. Luther helped to break the silence by blurting out “Diego is gay?” causing Allison to burst out laughing. 

“Surely this is just a joke?” she remarked, wiping away tears. 

“No, no, no, this is completely serious.” Klaus replied with a straight face. “I’m afraid our brother will never be the same again, unless we can reunite him with his one true love.” 

Luther, Allison, and Vanya all began to talk at once. “But how are we even supposed to get back to Dallas?” “We can’t mess with the timeline again!” “Wait, is Diego gay?” Klaus tried to get everyone’s attention but they all seemed to be busy having conversations with themselves. 

“I’ve figured it all out.” Number Five’s voice rang out from across the room. The smaller boy teleported to the other side of the room, grabbing a short glass of rum off the bar. Taking a sip and making his way over to his confused siblings, Five decided to explain just how Diego would be reunited with his soulmate. 

..................................................................................

Back upstairs, Diego was curled up in his bed, holding his pillow between his arms as if it was his presidential sweetheart laying next to him. Never in his whole life had Diego felt so strongly towards someone. Sure, he loved hanging out with Patch, fighting crime and getting in trouble for being on crime scenes. And yeah, he’ll admit that he found Lila attractive before he found out who she was working for. But ever since he saw that devilishly handsome face on the black and white television that first day he landed in Dallas, Diego knew that there was only one man for him, and that man was John Fitzgerald Kennedy.  
..................................................................................

The Hargreeves siblings listened patiently as Five explained his master plan to reunite two lovers from different timelines. 

“I’ve been working on some calculations ever since we were split up after we escaped the first Vanyapocalypse, sorry, too soon?” 

Vanya returned a smile and waved her hand for him to continue. 

“Anyways, there’s a possibility that I would be able to send us back to 1963 Dallas for a few minutes. We couldn’t mess with any major historical events without the Commission coming for our asses, but if my equations are right, this time we’ll be traveling to an… you could call it an alternate timeline, but it would be before the Hargreeves of last week enter the 1963 timeline which means that this John F. Kennedy would be basically an exact copy of the real one except that the real one would be assassinated in the real timeline.” 

Luther sat there with his mouth hanging open while Klaus, Vanya, and Allision exchanged puzzling looks. Five rolled his eyes. 

“Look, I know this doesn’t make sense and I can’t even guarantee that this will work, but if we can bring Diego his own JFK, wouldn’t it be worth it to make our brother happy? We’ve all made sacrifices for each other, so why wouldn’t we do what it takes to save our brother from a timeline he couldn’t survive in?” 

Luther nodded and grabbed Five’s small hand into a handshake. Vanya and Allison stood up, smiles on their faces. Klaus sung out “Roooaadd trip!” and ran in to hug the others. Five flashed a wicked grin. 

“Let’s go save the president.”  
..................................................................................

With a loud crack, the five Hargreeves siblings fell onto the sidewalk bordering Elm Street. Five jumped to his feet as the others took their time getting up. 

“Luther!” the shorter brother snapped, “What time is it?”. 

“Twelve twenty seven, why?” 

“Shit, I thought we would have more time! Kennedy will have a bullet in his head in less than three minutes. Klaus, you stay here and get ready to jump back. Allison, Vanya, and Luther, follow me.” 

The girls plus Five raced through the crowd towards the spot where Kennedy would be rounding the corner. 

“Vanya, you and I will jump into the car, you repelling any objects from the air. Luther, you’ll grab Kennedy and Allison will rumor him into coming with us. Then we’ll reassemble back to where Klaus hopefully is staying put.” 

The others nodded in unison and rushed towards the Lincoln. Luther’s watch turned from 12:29 to 12:30 as a shot echoed through the plaza. In what seemed like slow motion, Vanya closed her eyes, concentrating hard on a single tone, sending waves of energy out from her position on the back of the Lincoln. Luther reached out and scooped up the president with one hand, holding Allison’s hand with the other. Allison rumored Kennedy as all four of them raced back to where Klaus was obediently sitting, dodging the panicked crowd. As soon as they reached their patient brother, Five blinked them back into the present timeline outside of the Academy. 

Luther collapsed onto the front steps, a bewildered Kennedy cradled in his arms. Vanya and Allison held each other close, a mixture of adrenaline and pure fear pumping through them. Klaus just giddily singsonged about JFK and Diego sharing a kiss. Five was the one to break the silence. 

“Well, we didn’t kidnap an alternative timeline historical figure for nothing. Let’s go deliver our present to Diego.” 

The others nodded and stood up to enter the building, Kennedy still speechless in Luther’s arms. Diego hadn’t left his bed all morning. "Time was an illusion and darkness consumed us all in the end", Diego thought. Just as he contemplated getting a snack, the knife wielder heard a knock at the door. "Remember, Diego, existence is now meaningless", he thought as he opened the door. 

Five, the only one still serious held a hand out to knock on Diego’s closed door. With a solemn expression on his face, Diego opened his door, a look of shock passing his face. Luther dumped Kennedy at his brother’s feet with a wide smile. Klaus yelled out “Surprise!” 

Diego stuttered a response, “I-Is this K-Kennedy, in my r-room?” 

Five rolled his eyes. 

“Basically an exact copy, cloned down to the smallest detail, extracted from an altern-” but Five was quickly cut off by a high pitched noise from Diego, promptly followed by his brother fainting onto the floor.


	2. ch 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Diego takes his guest on a dinner date, introducing him to some of the benefits of the new present.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly I just wanted to post a new chapter so I could say yay to elliot page for being an amazing human being!! if you don't support elliot, get out :)

Diego groaned, rubbing the back of his head. He couldn’t remember how he got on the floor but his neck hurt and he was laying on one of his knives. Sitting up while holding his head, Diego turned to look at the faces curiously observing him. Allison was kneeled on the floor next to him with a very concerned look on her face. Vanya’s eyes were wide open as if in shock but the hand covering her face suggested that she was trying to hold back a smile. Luther looked very pleased with his brother’s current position on the floor. Five looked completely bored and jumped to another place as soon as he knew Diego was conscious. Only Klaus was missing from his entourage. Two long-fingered hands quickly clapped in front of Diego’s eyes. 

“Guess who, big brother?” Klaus singsonged. 

“What is happening and why am I on the floor?” Diego snarled, swiping at Klaus’ hands. 

An unfamiliar voice cleared its throat, causing the angry man to pull a blade from his harness and spin around in a defensive stance. 

“Hi, I’d like to know what’s happening too.” 

Diego’s knife and jaw dropped at the same time. 

“J-John F. K-Kennedy?” 

“That’s me, and who are you?” 

“Your new boyfriend!” Klaus cheered. 

Diego was still stammering, unable to form a complete sentence while Kennedy politely smiled with obvious discomfort. The president tried again, 

“Can someone please explain why I’m not in Dallas and instead in some stranger’s room?” 

With great timing, Five jumped back into the room. 

“Can I have a minute alone with him?” Five asked, more of a suggestion for the others to leave than a request. 

Luther tugged on Diego’s arm, encouraging him to follow his siblings out. 

“We’ll explain.” Allison said to her teleporting brother, closing the door behind her. The group collected themselves in the kitchen, trying to explain why the 35th president was in the Academy. 

“Okay, I think I understand. So this Kennedy isn’t the real Kennedy but a copy from an alternate timeline?” Diego asked. 

“Five said if we took the real Kennedy, it could lead to another apocalypse or the Commission might find out, so this was a safer option.” said Vanya. 

Her brother nodded. “Okay, I get that part, but why save Kennedy at all.”

“Duh, mon frere, pour vous!” Klaus said with a poor French accent. 

Diego’s blood ran cold. “Uh, K-Klaus, why would you say that.” he stuttered, hoping the seance would take a hint. 

“Diego, we all know about your, um, affection for Kennedy.” Allison admitted. 

In less than a second flat, a knife was at Klaus’ throat, eliciting a nervous giggle from the tall man. 

“Diego. Knife down.” 

But that just made him press harder, almost drawing blood. 

“Don’t make me.” she warned, her threat causing Klaus to challenge Diego with a wink. Sensing a bad decision coming, Allison quickly reacted. 

“I heard a rumor you-” 

“Fine, god!” 

Diego backed off, more embarrassed than mad now. Vanya, always the one to deescalate the situation, reached for Diego’s wrist and guided him into the seat next to her. 

“Hey, I know we all might’ve been invading your privacy by doing all of this, but we honestly have nothing against you liking him. You know I had relationships with both Sissy and,” Vanya rolled her eyes instead of saying Leonard’s name, “But you all supported me. And Klaus, you’ve-” 

“I’ll do anyone.” he replied with confidence, licking his lips suggestively and winking at Luther who just narrowed his eyes in response. 

“Diego, you don’t have to talk about this with us right now, but when you’re ready, we’ll be here for you.” 

Diego exhaled, his hard outer shell melting away with Vanya’s sweet words. She reached in for a hug, avoiding his knife coated accessories. 

“T-Thank you guys, I know this was in your best intentions.” 

They all sat in silence, waiting for Five to come downstairs. After a few minutes, the smaller boy returned, Kennedy in tow. 

“I’ve told him all he needs to know. Diego, he’s your responsibility now.” 

Diego’s eyes widened, not sure what to do, still wondering if his feelings were included in “all he needs to know”. Five blinked over to Diego, quickly whispering in his ear that Kennedy was so far oblivious to his “crush” as the boy so juvenilely put it. 

“Wait, can I have a moment alone with my siblings?” Diego requested. 

Kennedy nodded and waited in the foyer. 

“Guys, we have to take him back. As much as I would love my own personal JFK, this isn’t fair. Five, there has to be a way to return him safely, without getting shot.” 

Five pondered that idea for a moment before speaking, 

“I’ll have to figure out how to open that timeline again but at a different date while making sure a duplicate president doesn’t take his place. I’ll need at least a week, so enjoy your time with him until then.” 

Diego agreed to the compromise, secretly happy that he would still have some time alone with the love of his life. He hurried off to meet Kennedy in the foyer, leaving his family behind. 

“Hey Fivey, do you really need a whole week to calculate whatever it is you do?” 

Five smiled as if to say “You got me!”. 

“I could figure out the right parameters in just a few hours, but let’s let Diego have his fun.”   
....................................

Diego extended his hand to his guest, which seemed far too formal for his personality. 

“Hi, Mr. President, I’m Diego Kennedy.” 

Diego opened his mouth realizing his mistake, preparing to stutter an excuse. 

“Not yet you aren’t.” The handsome figure said with a cheeky smile causing Diego’s heart to skip a handful of beats. “Getting kidnapped always works up an appetite, would you like to get dinner?” 

The Hargreeves brother just nodded, grabbing the key to his car in one hand and Kennedy’s arm in the other, whisking him outside into the modern world. They drove slowly to a small restaurant Diego stumbled upon when he was looking for a place to nourish Klaus after the seance confessed he hadn’t eaten in five days. It was a cozy little cafe that had a small menu but amazing desserts. As they drove, Diego found the president’s reactions to the outside world very adorable. Kennedy had his cheek pressed against the window as if by being closer to the air outside, the experience would be heightened. 

“Mr. President-” 

“You can call me Jack.” 

“Jack, what do you think of the future so far?” 

“It’s very interesting, not as futuristic as I expected but very bold and… colorful?” Kennedy finished as he stared at a strip of stores and restaurants with rainbow flags decorating the windows and awnings. Diego frowned as the man sitting next to him seemed to shrink away from the window. 

“Problem with that?” Diego asked with a huffy tone. 

“No, it’s just that I’ve never really seen, that, before in public.” 

“It’s totally accepted nowadays to be gay, you’ll see a lot of those flags in the city.” 

“The same doesn’t go for the 1960s.” Kennedy replied, almost sounding sad. 

Diego bit his lip wondering where that came from. He decided not to press him, continuing the drive in silence. They arrived at the cafe, Diego adding a few coins to the parking meter while Kennedy did a 360 spin to admire the block of city. 

“Let’s get a seat.” 

Kennedy nodded and followed him into the restaurant. Inside was very cozy with twinkly lights framing the large windows, bright houseplants stretching up the walls, rustic tables with washed out farmhouse chairs. The cafe was a seat-yourself place so Diego let the other man choose their table. He selected a pale blue table near the window, most likely so he could continue watching the outside world. Two paper menus were already waiting for them. Diego busied himself with the menu although he had the small list memorized. Kennedy just stared outside with a blank look the knife wielder couldn’t decipher. 

“Hi, y’all!” A peppy voice interrupted the silence in their corner of the cafe. “My name’s Rosa and I’ll be your- oh! Diego, what a nice surprise!” The waitress smiled, recognizing the stony faced man. Diego quickly put on a smile, nodding in her direction. 

“And you brought a date!” 

“Uh, t-this is, um-” 

“I’m Jack,” Kennedy said with a small smile, subtly forgetting to address her speculation. 

“I’ll have whatever he’s having.” 

“I’ll take the pasta alla norma and a side salad.” 

“And a sweet tea, if possible.” Kennedy added. As their waitress left, the president turned towards Diego. 

“Is… Is this present really so accepting?” 

Diego assumed he was referring to the flags they saw on the way here. 

“I mean, yeah. There’s parades, bars, specifically for that. Vanya’s been with a woman, and Klaus has a colorful history as well, and our family’s been nothing but supportive. There’s still people out there that are against it, but the present culture is very open and forward.” Kennedy nodded. 

“What about you?” 

“W-what d-do you m-mean?” Diego stuttered. 

“Are you accepting of… it all?” 

The other man relaxed a little bit. “Of course, I would always love my siblings no matter what. Even Luther who’s always getting on my nerves.” He finished with a chuckle. Their food came quickly, saving Diego from any more awkward conversations. Before Rosa left their table, she addressed Kennedy’s Kennedy-ness. “

Hun, has anyone ever told you that you look like the 35th president? What a great term that was.” 

He nodded. “I get that a lot.” Rosa clucked and left with a wink. He paid for their meals and held the door open for Kennedy as they left. They walked up the street a bit to burn off the heavy and satisfying soup. 

“Five is finding out how to get you back-” 

“I think I would rather live in this present-” 

They both paused, waiting for the other to talk. 

“You go” 

“Go ahead.” 

Diego laughed, “Okay, I’ll go first. Five, the youngest, or smallest, is finding a way to get you back safely. It’s going to take a few days though.” 

The other man nodded. “That’s too bad, I was liking this present for more than one reason.” 

Diego’s heart thundered, wondering if he was talking about their conversation earlier. There was only one way to find out. The shorter man leaned in, pressing his chapped lips to Kennedy’s. The president drew back quickly. 

“Diego, I-I,” 

“I’m s-so sorry!” tears springing to his eyes. He turned away to head back to the car. Before he could walk away, a hand grabbed his wrist, spinning him around. Kennedy was flushed but his eyes weren’t angry, scared if anything. 

“Don’t be.” 

Diego couldn't comprehend what was happening. The love of his life, John Fucking Kennedy was kissing him! Diego softened, melting into the dips of his face. The taller man brought an arm around Diego’s waist, drawing him ever so closer. After what seemed like years, they pulled apart, Kennedy calm and composed while the other man gulped in the cold air. 

“Where. Did. You learn how to kiss like that?” he gasped. 

“I’m afraid that’s top secret.” Kennedy answered with a sly smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah, I guess I might've gotten a bit attached to this fic and ignored the fact that this was supposed to be mild crack at best. (oops) but anyways, it's still a crack ship so don't take this seriously :) (or do if you want)

**Author's Note:**

> If for some reason you actually found this entertaining, drop a comment or a kudos! I'll finish this soon.


End file.
